The 1 Thing Composers Don't Talk About

*Disclaimer: The following post is solely based off of my own personal experiences and is suited for educational purposes only. This does not substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult a medical professional or healthcare provider if you are in need of medical advice, diagnoses, or treatment. We are not liable for any risks or issues associated with using or acting upon the information on this site.

---

2023 was a whirlwind for me on a personal level. It was the year that I kept getting sick month after month for about the first third of the year. It was around this time when I realized that I really needed to start listening more to my body than what my mind would be telling me.

Sometime around April, I had been getting a lot of bad anxiety--so much so that I would physically shut down because that anxiety was so bad. I'd even get chest pain–which admittedly is always a scary feeling. This was something that has never really happened to me before.

Reflecting on Anxiety

My anxiety was out of control. I didn't fully understand why, but I began looking into my school's therapy programs. I knew that I needed help.

As I went through the stress and anxiety programs, I noticed that I began to notice my body more and more the longer I would try out all of these stress management tools.

What does any of this have to do with composing or with music?

I'll tell you. Although a large part of my anxiety was stemming from worrying about my health, I noticed something peculiar in particular.

When all of this started, I was panicking because an acquaintance was looking for a composer. This person asked me if I could write in a style that I hadn't really written in before. I still wanted to try and deliver at least a concept to prove both to them and myself that I could write in this style.

Needless to say, it wasn't my best work and trying to cram-write something probably wasn't my best idea, and I was turned down in the process.

Admittedly, I was relieved to be turned down though because I really needed to focus on my health as I was getting chest pains at that time. I had no idea it was linked to anxiety-at least in my case.

After I was diagnosed with anxiety and started practicing these stress management tools, I began to start exploring what it was that was triggering my anxiety so much.

As I started to think about what first triggered me (cram-writing for the acquaintance), I noticed that it happened while I was composing.

So I started thinking about it and performing "body scans" on myself the following times when I was composing again. I was basically trying to see what parts of my body were holding tension before I'd break into a full blown panic attack. I noticed that while I would be writing music, I felt my body tensing up, especially in my back, shoulders, and arms. I also noticed that I wasn't breathing normally either and that my neck was absolutely killing me.

I started to think on it for a while and realized that holding tension in the body, focusing on the way you're breathing--all of this is talked about often if you've ever taken any kind of music performance lessons. However, none of the classes I had taken for composition ever talked about that.

We didn't talk about how you should be writing music in a relaxed manner. I feel like maybe this is something that's just assumed, which is why it's not being talked about as often.

We didn't talk about how you need to make sure you're breathing in a calm and relaxed manner instead of holding your breath as you're thinking through a writer's block.

We also didn't really talk about the fact that we should be taking a lot of breaks in order to get up to stretch or hydrate. I feel like while audio engineers and musicians talk about the importance of taking breaks, it's hard to break away as a composer--especially when you've got a good writing streak going, but it's something that we all need to do. Composers included.

While I'm not a doctor or yoga instructor, I think this is something we should talk about more. Some of us may have really tight deadlines, dealing with the stress of writer's block, or we're thinking about the financial instability that may come with being a composer. All of these stressors and worries can become a lot for one person to take on all on their own.

A Woman Doing Yoga

I think one of the biggest things I needed to remind myself of was also to be kind to myself. I was doing the job of at least 4 different people. Be kind to yourself.

I also think learning how to listen to your body, or trying and noticing if you're feeling stressed and tense while writing is something we should all be aware of. Get into practicing this body awareness.

Bringing that awareness to yourself and then taking a step towards taking a break to walk, stretch, breathe, do yoga--whatever it is that you feel you need to do is incredibly important. Step away from the DAW or your notation software. It's okay. Composing should be fun, but the stress and anxieties that can come with it are very real.

It's been about a month as of this writing since I've experienced crippling anxiety and chest pains, but performing body scans while writing, in combination with walking, breathing and yoga techniques I feel like my anxiety has reduced some. I still have a ways to go, but I feel myself getting better.

And with that-! My challenge for you is to see if you're holding tension anywhere in your body while you're writing. Jot down where the tension is if any.

I encourage you to seek professional help if you're finding difficulty relaxing those tension areas.

---

Here's a YouTube link to learn how to perform a short 10 minute body scan.